How Cynthia Tay and Wicare Help Singapore's Widows Rebuild Life After Loss

A Husband's Death, a Family's New Reality

Cynthia Tay lost her husband, Jesse Peh, to cancer in March 2017. Nine months later, she attended a workshop run by Wicare Support Group, beginning a connection that would take her from seeking help with her own grief to chairing the organisation.

Between those two moments lay the work of keeping a family going after the death of a husband and father. Tay, a homemaker with three children, had to manage both emotional pain and financial change. She sold the family's condominium and moved to an HDB flat to bring expenses under control.

Tay and Peh had known each other since they were teenagers. Their relationship grew through handwritten letters, and they married at 25. Peh became a Republic of Singapore Air Force pilot, while Tay cared for their home and children.

In 2010, Peh was diagnosed with stomach cancer. A brief recovery gave the family some relief, but the cancer returned in 2015 and was terminal. Despite a grim prognosis, he survived for more than two years, giving them time to make memories and face the prospect of his death together.

His death brought an emptiness that preparation could not remove. Tay and her children had to find their way through grief while adapting to a household without him. Wicare eventually offered something difficult to find elsewhere: other women who understood the particular loss of a spouse.

Her experience connects several parts of Wicare's work, from emotional support and help for children to the practical adjustments that follow a death. It also shows how a person who first needs support can later become someone others turn to.

Why Losing a Spouse Can Be So Isolating

Widowhood changes more than daily routines. A woman loses a life partner while facing a sudden shift in her identity and responsibilities. Sadness may sit alongside anger, guilt and anxiety about the future. Managing money, parenting alone and responding to social expectations can all become part of the same difficult period.

Tay found that the pain of widowhood had a character of its own. Friends and relatives may care deeply yet struggle to understand what it means to lose the person with whom someone expected to share the rest of life.

In Singapore, cultural discomfort around death and bereavement can make those conversations harder. A grieving woman may want to remember her husband, while people around her avoid mentioning him because they fear making her sad.

One mother described how Wicare gave her room to speak about her husband when conversations elsewhere were being closed down:

When I talk about my husband, my family tries to change the subject, afraid it will trigger sadness. But I want to remember him. At Wicare, I can talk freely and know others understand.

Children face their own fears and insecurities after losing a father. A surviving mother may therefore be trying to understand her own grief while helping her children express feelings they cannot easily explain.

Government statistics for 2016 put the number of widows aged 50 and above in Singapore at more than 140,000. Singapore's rapidly ageing population has contributed to a growing community of widows, making specialised support increasingly necessary even as bereavement remains a difficult subject in many circles.

How Joyce Lye Turned Loss Into a Support Group

Wicare began in 1993, founded by widows who recognised the value of meeting people with a shared experience. Its origins lie in the life of Joyce Lye, whose husband died in a car accident, leaving her to raise two young daughters alone.

Lye experienced anger, depression and financial hardship. Embracing Christianity became a turning point in her healing. Encouraged by her faith and by the needs she saw around her, she began meeting other widows so they could support one another.

Those informal gatherings grew into a voluntary, nonprofit organisation with more than 1,100 widow members and 1,700 children who had lost their fathers. Volunteers who have experienced loss themselves form the network behind its work.

Lye, Wicare's founder, described both her surprise at the role she came to hold and her gratitude for being able to help:

I never imagined I would become the founder of Wicare, Singapore's only widow support group, or that I would have to share my story with hundreds of grieving women. But I am grateful for the opportunity to help others.

Wicare's mission is rooted in Christian values, and membership is open to women of all faiths. Its model centres on support between people who have experienced bereavement, alongside practical help, enrichment activities, workshops and structured grief programmes.

The Milestones Behind Wicare and Tay's Journey

Wicare's development and Tay's experience unfolded over decades. The organisation was already established when Tay needed help, allowing her to enter a community built by women who had faced similar losses before her.

• 1993: Widows founded Wicare Support Group, growing from the meetings begun by Joyce Lye.
• 2010: Jesse Peh received his first diagnosis of stomach cancer.
• 2015: Peh's cancer returned and was terminal, following a brief recovery.
• March 2017: Peh died, leaving Tay and their three children to adjust to life without him.
• 2017: Wicare partnered with the National Council of Social Service to launch Wishine for older widows.
• Nine months after Peh's death: Tay attended a Wicare workshop and began the involvement that later led her to volunteer and become chairperson.

Tay's later leadership grew out of participation. Her first step was attending a workshop while grieving, followed by helping women who were newly bereaved. The same organisation could therefore serve different needs at different points in her life.

What Wishine and Everyday Activities Provide

Wicare's Wishine programme was launched with the National Council of Social Service (NCSS) in 2017 to address the needs of older widows. The initiative combines individual counselling with group support sessions in a structured setting.

Wishine lasts nine hours and is free of charge. Described as the first programme of its kind in Singapore, it gives participants space to process their grief with both personal attention and the company of others facing a similar loss.

Participants have reported feeling less alone and better understood. Many have subsequently become befrienders, supporting women who have recently lost their husbands. A befriender offers personal connection through a relationship built around listening and shared experience.

Wicare also organises social gatherings, enrichment classes, excursions and bonding sessions for widows and their children. These activities create opportunities for companionship, laughter and enjoyment alongside grief. Some members have formed lifelong friendships through the group's events.

Structured counselling and ordinary social contact meet different needs. A support session offers time to talk directly about loss; an outing or class allows a family to spend time with people who understand without making grief the sole focus of the day.

From Workshop Participant to Chairperson

Tay became a volunteer befriender after joining Wicare, helping newly bereaved women through some of their most difficult days. Her empathy and leadership qualities later brought her to the role of chairperson.

Her approach centres on allowing women to tell their stories, speak about fears and support one another. For Tay, open conversations about death and the life that follows it are part of healing.

Tay, speaking about her experience of widowhood and her connection with Wicare, explained how the group gave her both companionship and a new purpose:

The pain of widowhood is unique, but so is the strength that comes from walking this path together. Through Wicare, I found not just support, but a sense of purpose.

Under her leadership, Wicare continues to extend its reach, draw attention to widows' needs and seek greater support across society. It works with other social service agencies, churches and community groups to connect bereaved women with help.

Tay's move from receiving support to providing it reflects a recurring feature of the organisation. Women bring their own experience of loss into relationships with newer members, offering understanding grounded in something they have lived through themselves.

Helping Children Find Words for Their Grief

Children who lose a parent may show grief through anger, withdrawal or changes in behaviour. Their distress can include fears about what will happen next, alongside sadness about the person who has died.

Joan Swee, a grief recovery specialist and Wicare cofounder, stresses the value of naming losses and talking about fears for the future. She advises parents to be patient and avoid pushing children to speak before they are ready.

The guidance for adults is to listen with empathy, allow open conversation and explain death in language suited to a child's age. Being available matters even when a child cannot yet say much.

Wicare uses art therapy, encounter workshops, play and storytelling to help children express emotions. Family activities also give children and their surviving parent opportunities to spend time together and strengthen their connection.

A panelist discussing support for grieving children described the value of attentive companionship:

Empathy, listening, and being present are the most powerful gifts we can offer grieving children.

These activities aim to reduce the stigma around trauma and help children develop resilience, the ability to cope and adapt while facing difficulty. The emphasis on patience gives children room to communicate in ways and at times they can manage.

Remembering a Husband While Rebuilding a Life

Katherine Ho lost her husband to pancreatic cancer while she was in her 30s. Alongside overwhelming sadness, she faced the practical demands of parenting alone.

Listening to other widows through Wicare gave Ho hope. She now keeps her husband's memory present in daily routines and conversations with her children, while concentrating on what matters most in their lives.

Swee also lost her husband to cancer and had two young sons to support. She faced intense emotional turmoil while trying to help her children through their loss.

Faith, reading and support from fellow widows helped Swee find healing. She later became a grief recovery specialist, helping others move beyond loss and holding to the belief that recovery and restoration are possible for everyone.

Ho, Swee and Tay reached Wicare with different family circumstances and responsibilities. Their experiences reflect the uneven nature of grief: rebuilding life can include remembering a husband, managing a household, raising children and eventually helping someone else.

Wicare's community brings those experiences together without requiring every widow to follow the same course. Emotional support sits beside the practical work of continuing family life, and members can remain connected as their needs change.

When COVID-19 Restricted the Ways People Could Help

The COVID-19 pandemic disrupted familiar ways of supporting bereaved families. Restrictions on attendance at funerals and wakes made it harder to say goodbye and gather with relatives and friends.

Some bereaved people felt they had failed to give a loved one a proper sendoff. That feeling could make emotional healing more difficult, adding distress to an already painful loss.

Lena Soh, Wicare's general manager, noted that pandemic restrictions also reduced practical help, such as cooking a meal for a family or assisting with childcare. Those forms of support can ease the daily burden on someone who is grieving.

Wicare responded with virtual support sessions and encouraged members to connect online. More widely, livestreamed funerals and online counselling helped bridge some of the distance created by restrictions. Human presence remained central, even when contact had to take place through a screen.

For some people, the pandemic also brought closer attention to loss, resilience and the relationships that mattered most. One bereaved daughter described confronting life after her mother's death:

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise, that I'm fully facing the new reality of life without my mum.

Wicare's response during the pandemic extended the same purpose that underlies its workshops and gatherings: maintaining connection when bereavement can leave people isolated. Its emotional support, practical help and social activities continue to reach hundreds of women and children each year.

As Singapore's population ages and the number of widows grows, Wicare's work centres on making space for grief in everyday community life. For families such as Tay's, that means having people who will listen to memories, understand changed responsibilities and remain present while life is rebuilt.

Key Points

• Cynthia Tay lost her husband, Jesse Peh, to cancer in March 2017 and attended a Wicare workshop nine months later.
• Tay later became a befriender and chairperson, helping other widows through experiences she had faced herself.
• Founded in 1993, Wicare has more than 1,100 widow members and 1,700 children who have lost their fathers.
• Wicare's Christian roots inform its mission, while its support is open to women of all faiths.
• Wishine, launched with NCSS in 2017, provides nine hours of free individual counselling and group support for older widows.
• Children receive support through art therapy, workshops, play, storytelling and family activities.
• During COVID-19 restrictions, Wicare used virtual sessions and online connections to sustain support.